Cappuccino Thoughts 113: On Aging Gracefully...or with a Face Full of Filler

At 26, am I too young to think about getting old?

Cappuccino Thoughts is a weekly newsletter about culture and creativity in New York.

Ritual Coffee, my favorite cappuccino in San Francisco

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Tuesday afternoon, 4:11pm

I came across an old email to a friend describing my fear of “losing the currency of youth and the death of potential.” Dramatic much?

Last month, I turned 26. Truly, I’m still young in the grand scheme of things. But it does feel like there’s something different about being 26. Age is no longer a real excuse. You can say, “I was so stupid, but I was only 19,” or even “I can’t believe I did that, but I was only 25.” But no one really says that about 26.

26 is the end of the first quarter of a, hopefully, long life. The second quarter, which is often filled with marriage, kids, and a career. In short, adulthood. I hit one of those milestones early, so in theory, I should feel better equipped to handle what’s next.

The many faces of womanhood, at a vintage store upstate.

Saturday 1:34pm

Are all my friends freezing their eggs without me? In the last month, three women my age talked about freezing their eggs. Each of their reasons was personal to them. The overarching sentiment was they’re not ready to have kids now, but one day they may want to. So they want to freeze their eggs while they are healthy in case they need them in the future. One woman said that knowing she has that option also takes some of the pressure off dating now.

At this stage in life, a lot is in flux. We have the time to figure it out. But we also need to put real plans in place for the future. I just didn’t realize that meant already planning for kids.

I’ve been on the record since I was 13 about not wanting to have kids. I’m happy for my friends that they’re setting themselves up now to ensure they get what they want later. But I’m apprehensive for the time when they have kids and our lives will be so different. I think for many of them that will be more like ten years from now, not tomorrow. I just thought we had more time.

One of my favorite paintings at the Yale University Art Gallery.

Saturday evening, 6:36pm.

At my ballet intensive this weekend, I walked into the dressing room and a cluster of women were trying to talk another woman down from getting lip filler. “You have such a beautiful face shape, don’t mess with it,” they counseled. I piped up that after working as a consultant for a leading lip filler brand, I strongly advised against touching the lips. It’s the part of the face where it’s most obvious you’ve had work done.

Many of these women are in their early 30s. Some described getting Botox and how much they enjoyed the results. Others swore all you need is tretinoin to keep your skin smooth for years. We’re at the age when medical interventions are part of the conversation.

I’m not against Botox or other surface-level interventions. But recently I’ve found myself zooming in on photos of myself to look at my forehead. I’m beginning to develop light creases across my forehead and a small line between my eyebrows.

A painting at a museum in Brazil from my camera roll.

They seemed to me to be worry lines. But then I looked through old photos of myself and I realized that I also crinkle that part of my face when I’m surprised, or excited, or ecstatic. They are the proof of a life lived. And there is something beautiful in that.

As much as I want to hold onto the currency of youth as long as I can, there’s a lot I’m looking forward to in getting older. I’m looking forward to advancing in my career and finally not being told I’m too young and inexperienced to do something. I’m looking forward to my hobbies, like knitting, being age-appropriate. I’m looking forward to seeing how my life, and the lives of those closest to me, change.

No filler, no Botox, no certainty of what life will bring.

And I’m looking forward to many more years of this wonderful life.

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What’s in my bag?

Manhattan artist Mia Dunn hand-painted just two gorgeous Gucci bags based on what’s actually in our bags. Check out the video below to see the magic:

claireakkan.bags

A post shared by @claireakkan.bags

So what’s in my bag?

-Fara Homidi compact

-Gisou lip oil

-Vintage sunglasses (I also own and like these. These and these are also cute.)

-Claire Akkan pencil case obviously.

My father recently gave me this beautiful picture of my grandmother Sally, from whom I got my middle name. I never got to meet her, but based on her outfit, I have a feeling we would have gotten along famously.

I am full-on obsessed with Formula 1, and I have been absorbing everything I can about it, from the races to podcasts to books. I was excited to see The Athletic journalist Luke Smith’s new book On the Grid come out. It’s a fun behind the scenes look at some of the many different aspects of Formula 1, from how the entire racing set up gets shipped around the world every other week, to how the tracks are designed, to the efforts to get a female driver in the league. It doesn’t have a super clear structure, but it’s an easy, entertaining read that would be good for anyone already heavily invested in the sport or novices wanting to learn more. Four stars.

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This week, I am recovering from my ballet recital and hosting a talk with fashion historian Elizabeth Block about the history of hair.

All my best,