Cappuccino Thoughts 61: On Turning 25 Today
Or, how I survived my quarter-life crisis
I can pinpoint the exact moment of my quarter-life crisis. I was sitting in an Indian restaurant in my neighborhood with my friend J., who was also my coworker.
“It just seems like there should be more than this,” I said, trying to hold back the tears. “Did I really study Russian for all those years and get a Fulbright and write a 50 page thesis and read the canon of Western literature to….move powerpoint boxes around?”
“You have more than that in your life. You just have to focus on your creative pursuits,” he said sympathetically. One great thing about having a coworker as a close friend is they know exactly the genotype of malaise you’re experiencing. There was no specific thing that pushed me to this point. In fact, it was the lack of action, the feeling that life had become stagnant.
When it comes to life after college, it can feel like a massive shock. In college, I was encouraged to follow niche pursuits that interested me. I majored in Russian Studies, which included coursework in Soviet cinema and Russian art, and an earnest thesis about the Ballets Russes and the set designs of Natalia Goncharova. A lot of people like to joke about the lack of real world applicability of their studies. From my experience, many of my peers went deep into a random topic, and yet ended up in consulting or banking. The skills and intellectual curiosity fostered in college seem like a mismatch in the corporate world. There is a great divide between academic freedom and exploration and the rigidity and repetition of the corporate world. It can also feel like at 25, you’re already on a path that’s hard to deviate from. And equally, that you’re supposed to have figured it all out: job, partner, city.
I know many of you are the same way. High achievers. Well educated. Making your way through the corporate jungle. And wondering if this is really it. And I think that’s what leads to the so-called quarter life crisis. I also think it’s why a lot of my peers seek out the solace of the academic world again, for an approved change or a socially accepted way of spending a bit more time figuring it all out. Law school, business school, master’s degrees. No doubt, it’s a valuable stepping stone in a career. It’s also an escape hatch from a corporate job that isn’t as fulfilling as hoped for.
Every time a new generation comes along, people like to point at them and say that they don’t like to work. It happened with Millennials, it’s definitely happening with Gen Z, and it’s already starting for Gen Alpha. But I think if we look beyond the surface of that argument, it’s less about not wanting to work, and more about the surprise each generation faces moving from life as a student to life as an employee. Yet, although I believe every generation experiences some form of this, we don’t talk enough about this milestone and how to handle this phase.
So, tangibly, how did I survive my quarter life crisis?
Well, I got a new job. As first jobs go, mine was a wonderful one, and it was really hard to leave it. I got extremely lucky and landed in one of those one in a million work cultures where my coworkers became my good friends. But it was time for a change. I try pretty actively to keep Cap Thoughts separate from my corporate life, so I won’t go into it too much, but I am excited to take on a role that’s a bit more entrepreneurial with a smaller team where I hope to have more ownership over projects and ideas.
I sought out creative pursuits. This newsletter, centrally, as well as my bag project. As J. wisely pointed out to me, this is what consistently brings me the most joy and fulfillment.
I opened up more opportunities for myself. I’m a big believer in the idea that opportunities don’t come along; you have to create them for yourself. I’ve chatted with a lot of friends recently who’ve wanted a change in their life, but it seems too daunting to go after it. Submit that application. Go up to that cute person. You either get rejected, or you’ve opened up a new door.
I centered friendship in my life and consistently invest in my relationships. I hear from a lot of friends that I’m in touch with more people from college and other parts of life than most. I do this by scheduling calls with people (annoying, but sometimes it needs to go in the GCal) or just “rolling calls” as I think of it, calling 4 or 5 friends until someone picks up while I’m walking somewhere or otherwise have an hour free. I also try to set aside one day a week (usually Fridays) to intentionally spend time with my wonderful partner, so we’re not just seeing each other at the end of long days.
I actively seek out intellectual life. The question I probably get most often stemming from this newsletter is how I find the events, exhibitions, and lectures I attend. I’ve written before about how logistically I find them, but I think it’s more of a mindset. Life doesn’t end at 6pm. I try to do one new thing every day, whether it’s something as small as a new coffee shop or as big as a new activity.
And, when in doubt, a plane ticket is always a good idea. The day after I left my job and three days after I turned 25, I hopped on a plane to Tokyo. This isn’t nearly as whimsical as it sounds, and was, in fact, the product of months squirreling away savings and carefully plotting my trip. But a major change of scenery is the most surefire way I know to switch up a mindset.
Turning 25 these days is a daunting prospect. But turning 25 is also exciting. I feel more sure than ever of who I am and what brings me the most meaning and joy. What’s important to me. Who’s important to me. And how I want to spend the next (hopefully) 75 years of my life.
Updates on the bag project
I am working on developing a new product (any guesses?) from scratch. It will still use my signature vintage scarves as the lining. A big goal of mine for this year is to make the price point more accessible, and, by developing from scratch instead of refurbishing vintage bags, I hope to achieve that. The product will still be sustainable as it uses leather cast-offs.
My friend M. is also an amazing embroiderer and we are trialing custom embroidery with the leather shop. Assuming it goes well, it will be possible starting from the next batch of bags to customize products with your initials, name, or small symbols. I’m very excited about this development!
Finally, I am working on more little touches to enhance the bag buying experience. M. is also helping me make matching small accessories and dust bags. Lots in the works!
Look of the week
I spotted Busy Phillips on my street taking a break from her “divorce” sale. She looked fab in a pink/purple iridescent skirt, fitted black coat, and bright red lipstick, which set off her platinum hair. Divorce looks good on her!What’s on the bedside table
What’s on the bedside table
Longtime readers will know that I have been hoping to go to Japan for pretty much my whole life, but especially for the last year, and I’ve been doing lots of reading in preparation for it. Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata is considered a classic in Japan. It takes place at an onsen, a kind of hot spring in the mountainous area. A love story between a geisha and a rich Tokyo man slowly unfolds. From my outside perspective, it seems likea lot of popular Japanese literature tends to be more about the mood conveyed and the reader’s interpretation, more than the typical American style of heavy plot and didactic storylines. I enjoyed this, but can’t say I recommend too much.
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This week I am traveling in Japan! Never fear, Cappuccino Thoughts will continue to be published throughout my travels. Next week, impressions of this astounding country.
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Catch up on recent issues:
Happy birthday and congrats on the new gig! I hope you love! Quarter-life crisis so much better than mid-life crisis!
Happy belated birthday!!!